From Vicky:
I have not written in the BLOG for quite some time and in fact I feel like I have checked out on the girls for the last six weeks. I have been here and yet not here, managing their lives but not really connecting with them.
Abras misbehavior has taken me to the edge of wondering if I really can continue to do this day in day out and keep my sanity.
Fran explained to me that although we have successfully awakened Abra from her silent world and she is now taking interest in all that is around her, she now wants to exert control. I guess her issues around control stem from a need to keep a cap on her anxiety. However her controls are not functional as I understand them and her behaviors have become hard for me to understand. In an effort to find a fun summer activity I joined a tennis club that has a swimming pool.Abra LOVES the water and gets really excited to get her suit and towel together, but at the new pool she will only stay five minutes.
Her OCD issues have also loomed large over the summer, with her need for rote routines and weird things like undoing the exact same poppers on her pajamas EVERY day at the same time. This doesn’t seem annoying and it also sounds trivial but after watching the exact same things every day every day of the year the observer becomes weary.
I have found myself become a non-participant. Choosing to sit in the car with Abra rather than trying to help her be successful in the community. I copped out and have been letting the side down and especially letting Abra down.
On Monday I HAD to go to the County Office of Education to collect something and I had Abra with me. Of course she flatly refused to get out of the car but I had to insist that she come with me. Interestingly, once we got ourselves into the building Abra was fine and we completed our mission.
This was an important lesson for me and an eye opener. Once I pulled myself out of my lethargy and had the mental strength to have the upper hand Abra complied and we all had success.Maybe what all parents need are workshops on how to have mental fortitude!
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Vicky,
I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time. I watch you interact with the girls and am amazed at how well you handle them! You really do have your hands full! But you make it look like everything is fine. I wish there was something else I could do.
It is funny but from my point of view I think Abra had a great summer! She is able to FINALLY eat out and behave herself!! She can go to a new location, order a smoothie and sit down and have lunch!!! This is pretty amazing.
We can now walk down Pacific Ave together. She isn’t agitated and seems to enjoy herself. This too is amazing.
Maybe we could help you with the small stuff: like teaching Abra to do her own snaps on her pajamas!
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